May Zeal for Your House Consume Me

I went to Planned Parenthood yesterday. (It used to be that the pre-abortion appointments were made on Tuesdays. Now, according to their answering machine, these appointments occur on Mondays. This is a gift from God, since Tuesdays were becoming very difficult for me to go.)

I went with a renewed sense of purpose, but I was consumed with other thoughts, desires, concerns. I sat in my van, thinking of these things. I was too consumed, even to pray, for the most part.

6 May those who hope in you not be
disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD
Almighty; may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel. (Psalm 69)

It's true that I don't want to be a stumbling block to other Christians. I want to be a light leading others to the Gospel, and I don't want to drive some away from God by my sinfulness.

5 You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you. (Psalm 69)

I despair! I am not the person who is prepared, right for the position in which I find myself! I don't have the answers. I don't have the personality. I don't seem to convey Christ to those who are close to me.

8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons; (Psalm
69)

...to those I work with, to my husband, to my children... To those that God has placed in very close proximity to me! These are the people I am most ill-equipped to influence.

It is not I, who am to influence, but God. ..

1 Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same
attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. 2 As a
result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires,
but rather for the will of God. 3 For you have spent enough time in the past
doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies,
carousing and detestable idolatry. 4 They think it strange that you do not plunge
with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. 5 But
they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the
dead. 6 For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now
dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but
live according to God in regard to the spirit.
7 The end of all things
is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of
sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each one should use
whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's
grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking
the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God
provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him
be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. (I Peter 4)

PS: into this despair God sent His servants, Clint and Ginger to encourage and focus. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!