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Monday, September 19, 2005

I want to love like that!

Why? It could be that the poor woman craves love and thinks it will
come by giving herself away. Or possibly she hates herself, feels
worthless, and expects to be used. Maybe she was inducted into this life
because of the sexual abuse she suffered as a child or as a young woman.
Maybe she ended up here because of alcohol, drugs or poverty. There can be
a dozen different reasons, but all of them are wrong and my heart aches for
her. I want to take her in my arms, call her beloved, tell her she
is precious to God and that this is not what God intends for her, that this is
not how a woman finds fulfillment.

The Truth about Sex
Kay Arthur
Chapter 5; Pg. 93

One time, I was watching TV and there was a show on about Marde Gras. They showed a blurred scene of a couple of girls lifting their tops to expose themselves for onlookers and the camara. I became indignant and left the room. While stewing about it, I realized that those girls are not to be hated, like I was doing, but pitied. They thought that was what they had to offer; how they would get approval.

I would want to have this depth of insight more and more. I am sorry for the hatred I nurtured in my heart for the young women, and their audience. This is something I will need to pray for. It is not something that would come naturally to me.

I would naturally be in one of two camps. I would either be under the deception of Mardi Gras (which I once was), or the hate-filled-righteously-indignant-on-looker (which I am).

God has changed my heart and taught me to understand the deception, and to hate the sin of the strange woman of Proverbs and the simple-minded man who follows after her.

Now, I think He is teaching me to love the sinner as He loved me while I did my laps in the wilderness. Why is this so hard?

I spoke the other day so accusingly of the flag-girls in the high school band. The moves they are taught are seductive, and the outfits they wear are revealing. My husband brought me up short, pointing out my malignant grumbling.

Who, though, could I take in my arms and call beloved? Whom could I tell that this was not God's best for them? Their flag coach? Their mothers? Each of the girls, themselves?

How could I do that when my natural inclination is to hold them at arms length with my finger pointing accusingly at them? And, by the way, why is that? I was there once, and Jesus took me in His arms and told me that this is not what He wants for me.

It is Phariseism. I don't know how to love like Jesus did, but I want to.

Recently, God is continually bringing people across my path and revealing my judgement to me: A Mae West-like woman, flagrantly dressed, and I see the need in her eyes. A presumably gay young man, who has resolved himself to be the comic relief, whose eyes catch mine as I resist the urge to chuckle, because I see the sin and the bondage there.

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
Psalm 25:5-12 (New International Version)

Lead me, Lord
Lead me in Thy righteousness
Make Thy way plain
Before my face.

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