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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

May Zeal for Your House Consume Me

I went to Planned Parenthood yesterday. (It used to be that the pre-abortion appointments were made on Tuesdays. Now, according to their answering machine, these appointments occur on Mondays. This is a gift from God, since Tuesdays were becoming very difficult for me to go.)

I went with a renewed sense of purpose, but I was consumed with other thoughts, desires, concerns. I sat in my van, thinking of these things. I was too consumed, even to pray, for the most part.

6 May those who hope in you not be
disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD
Almighty; may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel. (Psalm 69)

It's true that I don't want to be a stumbling block to other Christians. I want to be a light leading others to the Gospel, and I don't want to drive some away from God by my sinfulness.

5 You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you. (Psalm 69)

I despair! I am not the person who is prepared, right for the position in which I find myself! I don't have the answers. I don't have the personality. I don't seem to convey Christ to those who are close to me.

8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons; (Psalm
69) those I work with, to my husband, to my children... To those that God has placed in very close proximity to me! These are the people I am most ill-equipped to influence.

It is not I, who am to influence, but God. ..

1 Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same
attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. 2 As a
result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires,
but rather for the will of God
. 3 For you have spent enough time in the past
doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies,
carousing and detestable idolatry. 4 They think it strange that you do not plunge
with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. 5 But
they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the
dead. 6 For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now
dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but
live according to God in regard to the spirit.
7 The end of all things
is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of
sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each one should use
whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's
grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking
the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God
provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him
be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
(I Peter 4)

PS: into this despair God sent His servants, Clint and Ginger to encourage and focus. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Pre-Abortion Appointments

I have to say that, although I was again weak this Monday at Planned Parenthood, cowering in my car, I am renewed in my resolve that pre-abortion appointments need a godly witness. We need to be there on the sidewalk to talk to people. We need to meet them at the time of revealing. It is then that seeds may be planted. It is then that the ground is furrowed, and when no other seeds are sown but those of deception. It is then that the seeds of love, conviction, truth have soil to grow in.

I was reconvicted of this great need here in Bloomington, but I also discovered something that I had not considered.

Do you live in a city where there is a Planned Parenthood? Not every Planned Parenthood does abortions. Some do not. The one in Evansville does not, and that is where the man and his girlfriend in my previous post went for their pregnancy test, and referral. No one had told him about another option. He saw only obsticles. Would they have chosen differently, if someone had been there with another message? ...another choice? offer of help, a hug? I don't know.

I do know that some people don't go to Planned Parenthood on the killing days, because it is too radical, too "militant" (it's not, really), too hopeless.

Some, who do go on the killing days do not go on the testing days, because the level of urgency is lower, maybe. I am not sure, but I think that is why I cower in my car, shamefully.

I would like to encourage you, whether you are the former or the latter, go. Based on the white harvest fields, go. Based on the call of Jesus to go to those in need, go. There is great need. Go.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

He's Got the Power!

God is amazing! He is amazing in all He does, He is right in all He says, He is just in all His judgements! God holds the hearts of men in His hand, and directs them like a river to go here or there.

Thurdsay, May 8: I am sorry that I am finishing this post a week later. By now, much has sloshed out of my brain.

A black man came out of Planned Parenthood to smoke a cigarette. We had been there a while, and thoughts of leaving were on my mind. I had asked God to show us His glory, and He had. Here we were, in Bloomington saying things that no one wanted to hear. This is God's glory. He uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. He uses our weakness to show His strength perfect. We were weak fools, and we had confidence in God.

This black man was smoking his cigarette, and I motioned for him to come over. Here we were, the weirdos (everyone knows that we are weirdos, freaks) calling him to come to us, in the rain. He came over. Why did he come over?

He came over and stood, smoking his cigarette under my umbrella. I asked him why he was there. He shrugged his shoulders. He knew why we were there, didn't he? I asked him if he had gotten someone pregnant. He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, ya know, shit happens." I agreed. I told him the facts about unborn children and abortion. He said, "If we didn't do this, would you take the baby?"

At some point, I gave him one of my brochures.

I have to tell the truth. I can't take the baby. Glen and I have already talked about this. I also know, personally, several couples who would, and others who might. I also know, for a fact, that, given the opportunity, our church would support that woman through her pregnancy.

I told him the truth. Shelly asked him if he would go get her, if it's not too late. He started to give my brochure back to me, and said, "It's too late." I pushed the brochure back into his hand and told him of the pain she will feel later. I told him that she's going to be sad, and she won't understand, and he won't know how to help her. I showed him my phone number, and told him to have her call me. I told him that we want to help, that we love her.

He looked at me and his eyes melted. I knew that was how the woman at the well looked at Jesus. I think that God was glorified in our presense.

From there, the man confessed his sins to us. We told him about Jesus, and that he needs to read his Bible, and get married, and find a church family. We told him that the best we can do in this world on our own, is our lousy best. "Shit happens" alright. Jesus is our only hope.

Jesus is the answer to this man's pitiful attempt to improve himself. Jesus is the answer to his girlfriend's need for a man's approval. Jesus is the answer to my loveless heart. Jesus is our only hope, and our greatest fear!

God, I pray for Ray. I pray that he will be broken. I pray that you would grant him godly sorrow, and that you will give him a new heart!

Friday, May 02, 2008

Thursday's Obedience

For some time, I stayed away from Planned Parenthood.

Physically, for a short time, various things prevented me from standing for truth and in defense of the helpless, and calling for justice. After that, I was hesitant to go. I felt out of place. I felt helpless, speechless, meaningless.

When I started going again, I kept myself silent. I didn't love the babies enough to call for mercy. I didn't love the women, the escorts, the guards, the manager of Planned Parenthood, the staff enough to warn them of the danger to their souls. I didn't love God enough to proclaim His just judgements; His great mercy and magnificent salvation; His truth. I found myself confused by the friendly conversations between guards, staff, and protesters. I found myself jealous (this is ugly) of those who could speak, sing, and read Scripture there; of those who seemed to belong there.

1 I said, "I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue
from sin;
I will put a muzzle
on my mouth
as long as the
wicked are in my presence."
2 But when
I was silent and still,
not even saying
anything good,
my anguish
3 My heart grew hot within
and as I meditated,
the fire burned;
then I spoke with
my tongue:
4 "Show me, O LORD, my
life's end
and the number of
my days;
let me know how
fleeting is my life.
5 You have made
my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my
years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is
but a breath. Selah
6 Man is a
mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about,
but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth,
not knowing who will get it.
"But now, Lord, what do I look
My hope is in you.
8 Save me from all my
do not make me the
scorn of fools.
9 I was silent; I
would not open my mouth,
for you are the one
who has done this.
10 Remove your
scourge from me;
I am overcome by
the blow of your hand.
11 You rebuke
and discipline men for their
you consume their
wealth like a moth—
each man is but a
breath. Selah
12 "Hear my prayer,
listen to my cry
for help;
be not deaf to my
For I dwell with
you as an alien,
a stranger, as all
my fathers were.
13 Look away from
me, that I may rejoice again
before I depart and
am no more."
Psalm 39

Yesterday, God returned to me. It may be that I needed to sort out the pearls, the swine, the way of the wicked, love for my enemies, and hatred for those who hate God. Yesterday, God removed the restraint on my tongue, and gave me words to speak and desire to speak them.

Last night, alone, Glen and I, without a sign, no camara, no one else with us, went to the IU campus and passed out about 80 black and white flyers. I looked for the girl (Peobe?) whom I met last month on campus, and who was going to email me her sources to back up her statement that child abuse rates have decreased since abortion has been legalized. I did not see her. (sigh) I hope that as she is packing up to go home for the summer, she runs across my email address and remembers her promise to email me.

I asked God to be glorified in our presence. I asked God to increase our faith.

I did talk to a young woman, Jaymie, for quite some time. She would not personally get an abortion, but is pro-choice. She was not going to take my flyer, but I asked her to read it, and think deeply about it again. So she checked it out to see what organization I am with, and was repulsed to find that I am with the Church of the Good Shepherd. So we talked about her experience with this church, which lead to talk about God, and truth, and women and men, and the Holy Spirit's role of guiding us in truth, and much more. I hugged her and asked her to call me. I hope she does.

She brought up this post from my pastor's blog. She knows the young man who posed the question. It is an excellent question, and well worth thinking deeply about.

I'm glad I had a talk with Jaymie, and I hope that God will compell her to think deeply of these things that we talked about, and that He will graciously draw her to Him. But if He hardens her heart, He will be just in doing so.

Jaymie, turn to God, while He is near.