Physically, for a short time, various things prevented me from standing for truth and in defense of the helpless, and calling for justice. After that, I was hesitant to go. I felt out of place. I felt helpless, speechless, meaningless.
When I started going again, I kept myself silent. I didn't love the babies enough to call for mercy. I didn't love the women, the escorts, the guards, the manager of Planned Parenthood, the staff enough to warn them of the danger to their souls. I didn't love God enough to proclaim His just judgements; His great mercy and magnificent salvation; His truth. I found myself confused by the friendly conversations between guards, staff, and protesters. I found myself jealous (this is ugly) of those who could speak, sing, and read Scripture there; of those who seemed to belong there.
1 I said, "I will watch my waysand keep my tongue
from sin;I will put a muzzle
on my mouthas long as the
wicked are in my presence."
2 But when
I was silent and still,not even saying
anything good,my anguishincreased.
3 My heart grew hot within
me,and as I meditated,
the fire burned;then I spoke with
4 "Show me, O LORD, my
life's endand the number of
my days;let me know how
fleeting is my life.
5 You have made
my days a mere handbreadth;the span of my
years is as nothing before you.Each man's life is
but a breath. Selah
6 Man is a
mere phantom as he goes to and fro:He bustles about,
but only in vain;he heaps up wealth,
not knowing who will get it.
"But now, Lord, what do I look
for?My hope is in you.
8 Save me from all my
transgressions;do not make me the
scorn of fools.
9 I was silent; I
would not open my mouth,for you are the one
who has done this.
10 Remove your
scourge from me;I am overcome by
the blow of your hand.
11 You rebuke
and discipline men for their
sin;you consume their
wealth like a moth—each man is but a
12 "Hear my prayer,
O LORD,listen to my cry
for help;be not deaf to my
weeping.For I dwell with
you as an alien,a stranger, as all
my fathers were.
13 Look away from
me, that I may rejoice againbefore I depart and
am no more."Psalm 39
Yesterday, God returned to me. It may be that I needed to sort out the pearls, the swine, the way of the wicked, love for my enemies, and hatred for those who hate God. Yesterday, God removed the restraint on my tongue, and gave me words to speak and desire to speak them.
Last night, alone, Glen and I, without a sign, no camara, no one else with us, went to the IU campus and passed out about 80 black and white flyers. I looked for the girl (Peobe?) whom I met last month on campus, and who was going to email me her sources to back up her statement that child abuse rates have decreased since abortion has been legalized. I did not see her. (sigh) I hope that as she is packing up to go home for the summer, she runs across my email address and remembers her promise to email me.
I asked God to be glorified in our presence. I asked God to increase our faith.
I did talk to a young woman, Jaymie, for quite some time. She would not personally get an abortion, but is pro-choice. She was not going to take my flyer, but I asked her to read it, and think deeply about it again. So she checked it out to see what organization I am with, and was repulsed to find that I am with the Church of the Good Shepherd. So we talked about her experience with this church, which lead to talk about God, and truth, and women and men, and the Holy Spirit's role of guiding us in truth, and much more. I hugged her and asked her to call me. I hope she does.
She brought up this post from my pastor's blog. She knows the young man who posed the question. It is an excellent question, and well worth thinking deeply about.
I'm glad I had a talk with Jaymie, and I hope that God will compell her to think deeply of these things that we talked about, and that He will graciously draw her to Him. But if He hardens her heart, He will be just in doing so.
Jaymie, turn to God, while He is near.