I Walk the Line

Yesterday, when Glen and I stopped at Planned Parenthood to pray and encourage, the realtor who owns the property and the property next door, and also has his office in a building to the rear of the property next door approached our group. That early, there are only CGS people there, but there were five of us there. It was somewhere around 7:30 or 7:40 am.

Last week, apparently someone in that building complained to the protesters that they should keep quiet.

He came up and told us that the property next door is private (It holds the Bloomington Hospital Community Health Education extension office) and that while we are here, we would need to stay off this property. When we asked him where that property ended and the alley began, he began to show us, but had to refer to the driveway at the end, really to make an imaginary line that we could not cross.

Do you remember the Star Wars episode where they are in the garbage compartment and the walls begin to move toward them? Well, the walls are beginning to move. He told us that the alley is a twelve foot alley.

Glen, dear Glen, asked him if, if a car is heading toward us, could we step onto the property then to prevent impact. He said that this is a one way alley and there should be plenty of room for us to stand and not get hit. When asked which way the one way is, because there are no arrows at either end or on the pavement, he pointed vaguely toward Walnut, which would make each of the College Avenue access drives to Planned Parenthood entrances; but there are no arrows.

So I asked him what the answer to Glen's question was. He vaguely implied that the answer is no, not really ... sort of ... after all ... the alley is twelve feet wide ...

So, have a good time, he said. I introduced myself and got his name...Tim Ellis. He said that his brother comes to join us from time to time, JD, you surely know him. Of course this was name dropping, and politicking; an easing of his discomfort.

After he left I participated as our conversation turned to grumbling and projecting and worrying, and fretting. God called to mind those things He has taught me here, in preparation for this day: Jesus said we will have trouble in this world. Jesus has overcome the world. God will make our feet firm and not allow the foot of the proud to come against us, or the hand of the wicked to drive us away. We are standing on the firm ground and solid foundation of Jesus Christ, and do not depend on the worn blacktop of the area between Walnut and College to stand. Although there were butterflies in my stomach, I tried to encourage my brothers and sisters with these promises.

I still think that they will need to paint lines and put up signs. I still mull over words that did not come to mind at the moment. But I must stand on the true Word of God. I must know that this happened at His command.

The Women at the Well

It has been a while since I have posted....

Last week at Planned Parenthood:

I asked God Wednesday night what on earth He wants me to do there. What, of Jesus' life and love could I take to the women there? Why are they there? Why am I there? Why?

Jesus met a woman at the well. She was a Samaritan woman and was living with a man out of wedlock. She came to the well for water. He offered her the living water.

Have I been her? Yes. Did Jesus love me? Yes. Do I ever meet any one like that? Yes, yes, yes.

Women come to Planned Parenthood looking for what? A solution to a "problem." The problem looks different to them than to God, and the solution is misunderstood as well. They think the problem is the pregnancy. I could take it back a step and say that it is their understanding of sexuality or relationships, freedom and love. God, though understands perfectly their problem: they are sinners. I have been given the solution to their problem; it is the same as mine. It is Jesus Christ and a correct undertanding of our sin and His holiness.

God, help me to remember this!

Last Thursday was cold and windy. It was a cold that stayed with me all afternoon too. It was just a yucky day, and the wind shoved the cold deep under the skin.

In the morning, Glen and I stopped by on my way to work. When we prayed, I didn't mean to be the only one to pray. I shouldn't have prayed. I should have left it for the men there to pray. I don't want to offend God or any man. I don't think my words are so important that I must say them.

Later when Glen and I were there, no one would approach me; but a man who was there with a woman came out with her and sat in their truck for a long period of time. We talked to them, but they wouldn't talk to us. We offered them hope in Jesus, and he offered us his finger.

I didn't get arrested, but I was tempted once. Two women arrived in a large vehicle. One (dark haired) got out on the driver's side and made eye contact with us. The other (blonde) got out on the passenger side (closer to us). She started moving around the vehicle and toward the entrance. She wasn't moving smoothly. She stopped and looked at us and asked us to repeat what we said. She looked as if she considered coming over to us, but walking seemed very difficult and she turned and went in. What would a hug and a softly-spoken word done? Flesh touching flesh and eyes meeting... ? We prayed for them. Yesterday, Kim (who returned for a second time that day, to stand with Annie) said that she saw her come out later and that she looked broken and was crying.

Lane came. Next week he is planning to join Jeff M. at noon.

Josh said that Steve M. preached. Did you get to hear him?

I wonder what the sherriff's name is. I believe that God calls us there and that His Word goes out and accomplishes that for which He sends it. As many Thursdays as I have talked to that guard, I have never heard his voice directed at me. Last Thursday, I asked him how many, how many today? How many children, just today has he assisted to kill? Finally, he turned to me and said something, and got something out of his car. No one understood what he said, so when he turned around, I asked him what he said. He said, "I don't know." You know, it's not much, but it's something.

Pray for the staff, the doctor, the escorts, the guard, and the protesters. God, touch our hearts!

The day PP gave away free Morning After Pills

On April 3 (a Tuesday), Planned Parenthood gave away the Plan B "Emergency Contraceptive" away, free to anyone. A prescriptionn is atill needed for anyone under 18, but their nurse practitioner would be available to write the script. Josh C. made up a flyer to present the facts about this pill, and our objection to it. The weather was unstable most of the day, and we had a severe thunderstorm later in the day, but we encouraged each other to be there to speak to people about this, and about God.

About stepping onto the Planned Parenthood property: I have mixed thoughts about that still.

There was a young woman and an older woman (mother?) who came out of Planned Parenthood. Since they came out together, and the young woman carried some papers, I asked if they had come for an appointment, and if she thought she might be pregnant. (Yes to both)

Then I told her that I had some information about unborn children and abortion for her that I thought they didn't give her there. The young woman cheerfully came to me and I gave her the flyer with the 10 facts on it. I asked her name, and encouraged her to read it. Her name is Ashley, and I asked her to call me if she had questions or just wanted to talk. I stepped onto the property to write my name and phone number on the flyer.

Then she got into her car. They did not drive away, but sat for a while. Then the mother got out and went back into the building. After a while, the manager and the mother came out. The manager approached me and told me that I had every right to stand out here, and even to hand out these papers (there was my flyer, with my name and phone number on it, wadded up and smoothed back out, in his hand), but that I can't step onto the property to do so, that he has a long standing agreement with the protesters to that effect, and that if I do it again, he would not hesitate to call the police and have me arrested.

I told him that I was aware of this and that I stepped on the property in a gesture of kindness, and that I will be careful, but that if he felt like he needed to arrest me, that was OK. (I was very careful to have a humble and respectful tone.)

I told him that we had not met before and my name. I asked his name (John; I don't remember the last name), and as I shook his hand, he looked at my feet. I don't know for sure if they were on or off.

On the Thursday following this incident, a man came out of Planned Parenthood and sat in his SUV for about 20 minutes, talking on his cell phone. When he got out and went in, we said something to him. Then he emarged with a woman and a teen-age girl. I felt great disappointment that it was too late, and began to tell them about hope and forgiveness in Christ and ask them to come talk to us when he shouted at me, "You need to be on the other side," and waved his hand as if I should be on the other side of the alley. He used a voice like a coach; very authoritative. I let myself be distracted, and looked at my feet, which were clearly on the right side of the faint line on the parking lot, and said "I am!" Then he was in his car and pulling out. The opportunity was gone. Since then, I have felt fear when approaching the field of battle. I need to remember the words of the hymn:


Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

It is easy to become distracted. The issue is not which side of the line on the pavement I am on. The issue is not the more shocking one that the customers were being briefed on where the evil protesters are allowed to stand. The issue is what side of justice and mercy are you on? What side of Jesus are you on: Is He your righteousnes or your judge?

I am Undone!

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Isaiah 6:1-8

Last week at Planned Parenthood, finding out that a woman had been coming and going from the building before Glen and I arrived, we lifted her up in prayer. after that, in obedience to sow the seed abundantly, I approached her car when she pulled out to leave. I didn't think that she would pause, much less open her window to accept the flyer I offered or even talk to me.

God answered our prayer:

She paused, stopped, rolled down her window, but did not accept the flyer I offered. She told me that she brought her friend, who has been her friend since they were five years old. She didn't want to read the flyer, because she was too upset about what her friend was here for, she was unable to convince her friend not to do this. I told her that the other side of the flyer dealt with sin, forgiveness and salvation and wrote my name and phone number on it. Her friend's name is Michelle, and I have not heard from her, but God has heard her name often in the last week. She has the phone number also of the Church of the Good Shepherd.

This week, I saw a woman come out to smoke a cigarette. She peeked at us through the lattice trim of the privacy fence. In obedience to God's call to talk to her, sowing the seed abundantly, I went around to the sidewalk and called to her, offering her a flyer with abortion/unborn children information on it. She refused my offer, claiming her right to smoke her cigarette in peace. I asked if she was here for an appointment. She said that she brought her daughter here, and she did not want to talk to me. I offered her information about salvation and forgiveness of sin. She said that she is a Christian, and everyone has their own ideas about this. (traffic noises blurred what she said, and I was unclear on this.) I called her "Christian Mother" and called her to tell her daughter the truth that the baby in her womb was created in God's image and that to go through with this abortion would be to kill a child. She said something that I quite frankly could not make out, and I called her not to deny the gospel or to stand in disobedience to the clear teaching of her Saviour, Jesus Christ. She told me that she didn't want to talk to me, and to go away. I asked her daughter's name, so I could pray for her, and she refused.

A man in a pick up truck had been there since before eight 'clock, but was either sleeping, or ignored my attempts to get his attention.

Back in the alley, we prayed for them. Josh prayed for them.

Soon, I suddenly became aware of a black man standing by a white car. With surprizing boldness and comfort, I toward him and asked him if he was there with someone. He told me he wasn't pregnant, but was there with a friend. He brought his friend there, and yes, his friend was going to get an abortion. I asked him if this was his baby. He said yes. I offered him a flyer and asked his name. His name is Joseph. His friend's name is Amanda.

I don't know why (didn't think of it until this minute) I didn't ask him how old the baby is. I didn't say that I thought the baby would have his eyes.

I asked him if I could pray for him. He came over and let me put my hand on him and I prayed for him and Amanda. He got back in his car (passenger side) and I returned to my fellow Christians. We prayed for Joseph and Amanda.

Later, a blond came out and got in the car with him on the driver's side. They were in the car for a long time. Then she got out and went into the building. Someone said that she was crying. I went around to the front of the car and motioned for Joseph to come out. He was talking on a cell phone. I asked him if I could give him my phone number. I told him that Amanda would need someone to talk to soon. He gave me the flyer I had given him, and I wrote my name and phone number on it.

...And then, God answered our prayer:

Soon, the mother and her teenage daughter came out. Glen said, "We'll pray for you!" and the mother threw her arms up and said, "She didn't go through with it." We immediately began to praise God. I went a gave her my phone number on a flyer, (I accidentally stepped on Planned Parenthood property in my excitement) and told her that we would help her in any way we could and that she or her daughter was free to call me any time. I gave her a hardy hug and they drove away. The girl was slumped in the car with a paper of some kind covering her face. We do not know the details, but we know that God answered our prayers, and showed us His power and glory today!

Come let us worship the Lord together, for He is worthy, holy and powerful!

And then, I became aware that I had been in the presense of this God! I was, as Isaiah and Peter, and many others before me, undone. I was amazed and excited, yes, but incredibly frightened. This is not a comfortable place to be.

Hasta Luego, Amigo

Marsha is going south of the border. She worked half a day today. She will be gone for a half a day short of two weeks. Marsha doesn't like me.

I got this idea to give her a Bible to take on her trip. I almost got up the courage to give it to her. I thought of what to say, and I thought I would do it, but then I looked at the Bible.

I have had this Bible for over a year. I have it to give away. One day, though, at Planned Parenthood, I took the plastic wrapping off it, because I forgot my Bible. It is hard to read a Bible with the plastic wrapping still on it.

I always carry my bag with me. It has a stick figure on it, holding a stick Bible, and the caption reads, "I beieve." On Sundays I have my Sunday School stuff in it, and my scarf. On Wednesdays I have my WWEBS stuff in it (I haven't yet come to the conclusion that I should have my scarf on Wednesday nights, since it is Women's Wednesday Evening Bible Study), and on Thursdays, I have my Planned Parenthood resource notebook and hymnal in it. Always, I have this Bible. You never know when I might be able to give it away.

So one day, in the car, I had my Bible, my purse, my bag with the Bible in it, and a softdrink (a big one). This fountain pop had a small enough bottom to fit into the cup holder, and a big top. Around the corner I went, and over the pop went, right into my bag. I was upset to find it, and there was little enough damage for such a large pop to dump into a bag.

The Bible however has tainted edges.

Marsha doesn't like me because I have tainted edges, I think. So when I got the courage up to give her the Bible, and had a notion of what I would say, and I would be really friendly, I saw those tainted edges.

I don't trust God, I guess, to use tainted edged Bibles to make a new heart in someone like Marsha.

She's gone now.

Doesn't God get tired of me?

Anger @ Planned Parenthood

Psalm 37:1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong

In whom is my trust? If I go to Planned Parenthood, is it to speak my mind? Is it to make myself heard? Is it because I want to be noticed or because I think that I might convince someone to make a different choice? If this is the case then I might be justified to become angry or frustrated, for I am just a woman, trying to change the behaviour of other women, and men as well.

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

My way, my words, my heart I commit to God. They are His way, His words, His heart. If this is true, then they will shine like the dawn, like broad daylight in the darkness.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;...

Do I trust God to act in His time? Do I trust Him to act in the perfect time? Do I trust Him to deal with those who despise Him? How about those who despise me, eh? What do they get? Do I trust God with that?

Psalm 37:7... do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Why? Why not fret? Is it not evil that they do? Is it not righteousness that is squelched and wickedness that is exhalted. Is it not justice that is ignored and mercy despised? Is it not the helpless who are slaughtered while those with influence, money, voices are protected, and comforted?

Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Why refrain from anger? God says to.

James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Everything that God does is just. If He gave us this command, and nothing else, it would be enough. God is merciful, though and remembers that we are dust.

Psalm 37:10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

Psalm 37:13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

Psalm 73:1-2 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.

Thursday was the second Thursday in a row when Planned Parenthood's parking lot was packed. There was snow everywhere, it had been a rough week, weatherwise. Did God bring the snow and the freezing rain? Yes, He did. Was this parking lot packed by God's design? Yes, it was. Finally, someone pulled up, and the guard and escort decided that they could get the driver to pull into a space that would fit that car like a glove. They had to let the girl out first, or she would be stuck in the car. Instead of going in, she waited for the car to be parked. (How much higher are your ways than mine, Oh Lord. The number of your thoughts are too much for me! You are amazing and your acts are mighty in my eyes!) They were there by God's design. They were there to hear that the child growing in her womb was a child, and that what they contemplated was murder. They were there to hear that there was another alternative. They were there to hear that Jesus died for their sins. He did! They were there to hear about sin and judgement and mercy. They were!

I told them these things. I told them these things, and then I think I kept talking. Maybe I started using my own words. Maybe I started to expect that they would be changed before my very eyes. I'm not sure. I just looked around, even while I realized that I was witnessing a miricle; the work of God's hands, and saw that parking lot just chock full of cars that had come for the purpose of killing, and I became angry.

I became angry with man's anger. I was very angry. God forgive me, and may He be pleased to use the botched efforts of His servant to glorify Himself, and may I not shame Him again!

A couple of other things that happened Thursday:

A car sat for some time, parked perpendicular to the sidewalk. The escort had given up hope of protecting this person from us, because she just stayed in her car. There were two in the car: a woman and a teen-age girl were eating doritos. I went and stood in front of the car, and offered a flyer with abortion/unborn child facts on one side, and sin/salvation facts on the other. The temperature was probably around 10 degrees, and this woman got out of her car, and took the paper from me. As I walked back to the alley, I saw the teen-age girl reading it.

A volks wagon bug pulled up, and not finding an empty space, parked in the realtor's parking lot. A young woman got out, and asked if something was going on here. I told her that there was. They were killing children at Planned Parenthood today. She hardened her face and picked up her pace and refused any further exchange.

The escort, who is there regularly, as it turned out was parked right by where we were standing. When he was done with his shift, we gave him plenty of room to get in his car and go, but we were there. Calmly and, I think, respectfully, I pronounced a blessing on him. Pray with me that God would recall to his mind the things his ears were unable to block out, and that God would remind him, even in the dead of night of the cries of the children that he refused to hear.

Psalm 37
Of David.
1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.

27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

Ice and Snow and some "stolen" pictures

I borrowed Lydia's camara to take some pictures this morning of the ice (since my boss decided that we shouldn't try to open the office until noon!).

Disregard the puppy picture which is our yellow Lab, Sunshine.

Let me try that again...

...Dog-gone it! Confound it all! I can't do this...Why Why?

Later.

Snow..Snow...Bea-U-tiful Snow!

Well...Ice.

Yes, Lydia had her long awaited snow day today (first one this year), and as a result, got to watch some amazing episodes of Sponge Bob Square Pants, cleaned out her closet and organized (!) and missed out on one more amazing game in the 15-0 season of the Edgewood Mustang Boys Basketball! What a day!

Holly had a "24 hour dispesement of classes" at Purdue (first one since 1990). She had already had her Japanese test this morning though, before classes were canceled for this afternoon, but she is happy to be out of the snow for a time.

I had my first snow day since high school (actually since teaching high school). My boss actually told us to stay home. I was quite surprized, and because of it, I got to learn more the joy of submission, and the power of God through a praying husband. I also got to exercise and help my husband clean out the linen closet. I also started to sew a dress. I hope it turns out, I could really use a success story right now.

All of the trees around our house are coated with ice. The Bradford Pear in our front yard is the only one in the neighborhood that hasn't been broken by weather. It is about due. (Although my husband has been good about pruning it, which I think has strenthened it.) I am concerned about our little Weeping Willow. It is just several years old, and is bent to the ground. It was just starting to look interesting last year. Ah, well, like myself, if it doesn't break, it will be stronger for the trouble (James?)

Glen had a snow da... Hey wait a minute, he's retired. I don't think this counts as a snow day for him. Although, he was going to get tires for the van today, and that errand was called off due to snow... It counts.

Filthy Rags

All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away. --Isaiah 64:6

I have had many things pass through my mind recently that I would like to blog about. Then I log on, read what I have written, and think, "What foolishness! What trash! How harsh this is! How can I stand to write this? What do I hope to accomplish?"

Compare to the clear and humble logic of Jiho Kim (the last column in the last page of his own blog role set-up); or the clear and gentle logic of David Talcott (click on the post regarding the Emergent Church to get a feel for the gentleness with which he engages an opponant); or the gently, quiet wisdom of Anne Wegener, who with sacred gentleness exposes her weaknesses and shares her strengths. All of the links on my sidebar are to those places better spent reading than here.

A cloud without rain.
Unworthy of paper.
Just a speck in the heap of cyber trash!

But the Word of God is true, right, good. It is living and active.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. --Philippians 4:8

Whoze Da Fool?

I have read about them. I have seen them on TV. I have talked to people who have seen them. I have never, never seen one before...before today!

Today, I listened to a sidewalk preacher. He was actually in the parking lot of Planned Parenthood. Steve was preaching when Glen and I arrived. He spoke clearly, plainly and with conviction. The fear of God was upon him.

I do not know when he started. He told me he would be preaching from 9 to 10, but when we arrived at about 10:08, he continued for some time.

It used to be that I was scoffed at there, and it was appropriate. They used to smirk at me, but I haven't felt their disdain in a while. I have become a rather quiet one of late.

Today, they made jokes...loud jokes. Today, they scoffed. They did not, though, leave. They stayed and the Word of God was preached in their presense. They heard of God's creation, and the beauty of it. They heard of the gift of life, children and the privilege that women have to bear and raise children. They heard of the pressures men, fathers, mates, and society place on women to disdain and destroy this privilage. I am certain that this was the first time that some of them heard these archaic words.

They heard of the Holy God's displeasure with the murdering of these children. They heard of His great power, and frightful judgement.

They also heard of His long-suffering and mercy. They heard the invitation to seek refuge from the coming wrath in the Son of God, who died for even these sins.

Oh, God, our Heavenly Father,

I repent of my reluctance to speak and proclaim Your truth with all boldness. I confess that I have been afraid of man; in fact the good opinion of my fellow Christians I seek, above the proclamation of your truth and obedience to your commands.

If I plan to NOT speak thus, let my bones waste away within me. May your hand be heavy upon me, and your words burn in my mouth until I speak them.

Do not let me rely on the wisdom of man, or on my own ideas of a compelling arguement. But let me stand on your Word alone; and make my feet, then, firm wheresoever you lead me.

In the name of your Son, my Lord, Jesus Christ,
AMEN

The Ugly Road from There to Here

I met someone online... A young woman, Chantal who used to go to the Church of the Good Shepherd before I got there. One Sunday, she was in church and I got to meet her in person. MaryLee, our pastor's wife recommended that I read Chantal's testimony on her blog, so I did. I loved it!

I love hearing about how God took dead people and breathed life into them. Chantal's story (by clicking on the link above) will not dissappoint you. I am especially intrigued when people sow the seed bountifully while setting themselves on fire, like the sidewalk preacher in Chantal's story.

About that same time, my sister, Deb emailed me. Deb, for me was like a goddess when I was growing up. Everything she did, I thought was the thing to do. She was the perfection of the American Teenager. I loved her hair, her glasses, the way she sucked her thumb and put ketchup on everything... She was the cat's meow! I am still sentimental about her, and wish that we were closer than just an occasional email.

She wanted to know how things were going in my life. I emailed back some little things, and told her about my blog. She told me that she thought I was brave, because of the journey of self-discovery I was making.

I thought maybe Deb didn't know even a little of who I was and where I have been, so, inspired by Chantal's bravery, I decided to post my story. (Glen asked me to leave his chapter out, which drastically decreases the narative.)

It is not for the lightly curious, and it will definitely knock me off any pedistal I may be tottering on. I was not brave enough to be completely thorough, it was too painful, and much of my story is not for the fainthearted or the gentile reader. (here's how brave I am: I wrote it on Thanksgiving day and posted it on January 28 so that it would be buried) You are welcome tor ead it, and if there is an area where I may give details that would help on your walk, or where you, as my friend or sister may know me deeper still, I would be happy to privately continue.

It is a story of dry bones brought to life.

1 The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2 He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"
I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know."
4 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.' "

7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

9 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

Ezekiel 37

Sabbath Rest

Why don't we do this?

Fasting

Any thoughts on fasting?

What are the Scriptural mandates?

Under what circumstances would you fast?

A Fist Full of Dollars

This week I took some items back to WalMart. One was a gift that was the wrong size and accentuated my frumpiness. The other was some yarn that was just the wrong color of green.

When we decided to return these items, I couldn't find the receipt. Then, when I found the receipt, we headed to WalMart, maneuvered their horrendously designed parking lot, found a rare parking space, and started hiking toward the entrance. I looked at Glen's empty hands, and then at my own. We had left the bag on the couch as we walked out the door!

The receipt must have gotten filed, or at least looked at and suddenly it was missing again. I thought about taking them back without the receipt, but I knew that by now, the blouse had gone on sale, and I wouldn't get the full amount from it; so I decided to search again for the elusive piece of parchment.

Then, on Sunday night, I told Glen that I would be taking it back on my break on Monday. I had seen the receipt in his wallet, so I had every confidence that my plans would not go awry this time. He told me that he probably emptied his wallet since I saw the receipt.

My heart fell, but I decided to make one more search in the morning, and then make the return with or without documentation.

In the morning, I found the receipt; not in Glen's wallet, but in the basket on the counter in the kitchen. (whew) As I was placing it in the bag with the returns, I noticed the notice on the receipt that said, "Items may be returned with a receipt within 15 days of purchase." My mind quickly calculated the time. The blouse was a Christmas gift, which meant that it was purchased before that merry event, which ... was... more that fifteen days ago! Well, all I can do is try.

I got the the Customer Service desk with my returns and my receipt in the bag. I gave them to the nice young lady behind the counter, and she processed my refund!

She place a crisp and colorful twenty dollar bill in my hand, then poured some change on top of it.

I was surprised at the emotional reaction that sparked. It has been a while since I have had a twenty dollar bill in my hand, and my senses of sight and touch were peaked by its presense. I put the change in my purse pocket, and with the twenty dollar bill fluttering in the breeze of my passing, I headed for the craft department. I kept it in my hand as I relished my search for fabric, and, not finding any that I hoped for, my enjoyment of yarns and such. When I decided that WalMart had nothing to separate us, we walked together out the door and drove away, my new, still fluttering friend and I.

Wednesday evening, Glen asked me for it so that he could buy some gas.

Stick out like a Sore Thumb

AKA: Set yourself on fire.

A friend told a story about a guy who used to be at CGS who used to laugh about how effective Pastor Bayly would be with his short hair and bow tie at Peoples Park.

Tim of course would be ineffective, and so would this guy with his pony tail and ear rings. I would be ineffective at RECP or Planned Parenthood. The lady in her hair-dresser's chair would be ineffective, getting her hair dyed. It is not us, but God!

The work does not get done in the air between our vocal chords and their eardrums. It gets done in the heart.

If God has called you to People's Park, having taken you through the paths He has, and brought you to this moment, maybe it is because in your weakness, and "foolishness" His strength is made perfect.

We don't all have to go get a tattoo or dye our hair to be culturally relevant, but sometimes God has saved a person who has been down a thorney path and picked up a tattoo, or a divorce, or an illegitimate child, or any number of experiences that He has used to humble us.

It might be that if you looked just like everybody else at People's Park, all the people would ignore you!

Oh Lord You have seen this; be not silent. Do not be far from me, Oh Lord.

Early this morning, at about 4am, Glen woke up suddenly. Planned Parenthood was on his mind. He prayed that SOMETHING would happen today at Planned Parenthood that would glorify God.

Here's what happened:

Christians came to proclaim God's truth to those who do not seek Him.

A woman, looking for a REALTOR because she is moving to Bloomington, found a parking space, a helping hand, a real estate agent, and ... us! She asked if we were protesting. She encouraged us with her story of an abortion decades ago, and her struggle with despair. After meeting with the realtor, she reported that she found a place, and would be back next week to stand with us... She may even have found a church! (Please, thank God for, and pray for Linda)

A couple drove up in a vehicle that had "Jesus" prominently displayed on a plate on the front. The escorts and the guard approached the car and waited for the couple to emerge, as if to reassure them that they would be protected from the Christians. They waited a long time. Finally, the couple backed out of the parking space and left.

At least one of us was there long enough to see, for the first time, a young woman emerge from planned parenthood following the death of her child.

God was glorified!

Psalm 40

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

Oh, Yeah!

Near Perfection

Two of the most perfect recording artists of all time:

• Leon Redbone

• The Temptations

No, three:

• Nat King Cole (the cream on top)

Oh, Yah!

The Sower Revisited

I hate to be redundant, but, as they say, repetition is a good teacher. While reading the following story (originally posted in November of 2005), consider where you are scattering the seed of the gospel, ...or is it still in the bag?


There was a land-owner who owned the land as far as the eye can see, no matter where you went. He gave his servant a large, abundantly full sack of seed, and told him to go out and sow it. The servant took the large, abundantly full sack of seed and went out-into the back yard. Although the master owned the land as far as the eye can see, the servant had come to think of the back yard as his own.

He set the large, abundantly full sack of seed down and dug up a plot of ground. He made it square, about 10 by 10; just right.
He dug up the soil and removed the sod. He tilled and added mulch and manure until the organic content was just right. He worked the soil until it was a pleasure to turn. Then he smoothed it all out; just right.

Finally, he made rows, straight and even. Each row was 12 inches from the last one, so he would have room to go between and pull weeds as the plants grew. He stepped back and surveyed his work with satisfaction.

At last he turned around and opened the large, abundantly full sack of seed. He reached in with his left hand and pulled out a handfull of seed and went to the first row. He planted 2-3 seeds per inch all along the row, covering the seed with the rich soil and tamping it down as he went. When he finished with the first row, he went on to the next and planted in the same way. He worked diligently in this manner, row after row, returning to the large, abundantly full sack of seed when his hand became empty.

When all the rows were properly sown, he closed the large, still abundantly full sack of seed, and stepped back.
He surveyed his work with great satisfaction.
He noticed that the sky was clear so he watered the plot.

As the days and weeks went by he watered the plot, aerated the soil, weeded the rows, and surveyed his work with great satisfaction. He put up a scarecrow to keep the birds away from the seed. He built a fence around to keep rabbits from eating the young plants. He even cut down a nearby tree because he noticed that it shaded his plot from the sun in the early afternoon.

As the weeks went by some of the seed rotted because of mildew or fungus in the soil. Some were left exposed by the rain or watering hose and were eaten by birds who were not fooled by the scarecrow. Some grew, but maybe their roots found the rocks that the servant had missed, or they were crowded by a weed that sprang up as quickly as they did; and they remained small and weak, and were scorched by the sun in the early afternoons. Some of the seed grew, strong and straight. These plants produced much fruit --40, 60, 100 times the little that was sown.

"This is what was written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem." (Luke 24:46&47)

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8)

The Apostles respond in obedience, even when persecuted:

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." (Acts 5:41-42)

This year, talk deeply about big things.

Sometime we should sit down and have a big talk. We should look long into each other's eyes and talk deeply about big things. I think sometimes that we talk in greys and light greys and dark greys.

When we talk deeply about big things, we will talk in hyacinth blues and impatien pinks and spring-moss greens; oh, and russets and maizes and lavenders, ...and that really cool dark grey that is almost a blue like a rock in a stream, too.

When one of us says something that the other one doesn't understand, she will say, "I don't quite understand, will you tell me deeper, still?" Then the first will take her heart and put it in the other's hands and then she will understand. Then we can cry and laugh together because we know that we love each other so completely that we just lay ourselves down for each other.

Maybe someday...this year.

Hello, It's Me

Today is Thanksgiving. The turkey has been cooked, and much of it has been eaten. The Lord has blessed Glen and me with a good day of peace and grace with one another and our kids. By this, I don't mean that there have been no conflicts, but these conflicts, I think, have been for our benefit and perfection, and to God's glory.

I take up now the task of clearly and thoroughly conveying how I got from there to here. What better day to do it, or at least to begin it, than on Thanksgiving? What better to be thankful for than for life everlasting and freedom from the burden of sin and despair?

I was born the ninth of ten children (no..eleven, my littlest sister, Dinah Ruth was born when I was 13, and lived only 13 hours: a dear little redheaded girl). From my earliest memories, I was in church. First (that I remember) was a Church of Christ. As I approached ten, the "age of accountability," I anticipated my baptism with enthusiasm. I was very disappointed that my family left that church just before this would have taken place.

While we attended that church, which was about 30 - 40 miles from our home, we spent Sunday afternoons in the homes of other members of the church, and returned to church for evening service. It was a pleasant time to be a child, and I had other "grammies" who loved me and my family. That church, of course was full of sinners and fallen men. In my youth, I wasn't privy to reasons; when we left, we left.

We went to another Church of Christ for a while, and then we had church at home for a period of time. We had communion and everything.

After that, we went to the Methodist church of my mother's family. Here, from about age 12 or 13 I stayed until I graduated from high school. I was active in the youth group, sang in the choir (because I loved certain women who were in the choir), attended Sunday School and church and on Thursday evenings, went to Campus Life (an inter-denominational Youth for Christ group). My best friend in High School went, without her family, to the Baptist church in town. I wanted to get baptized, and I went to her church for that.

Was I converted at that point? I don't know. I know that I was aware of my utter inability to improve myself. I know that I was burdened with the acute awareness of my own shortcomings. I know that I desired to follow and love Jesus with my whole self and my whole life. But... was that the mighty hand of God, or just adolescent self hatred? I really don't know, but I believe that the hand of God was on me, at least from that point on.

I graduated and began college at the University of Michigan, Flint. This is a satellite campus of U of M; a commuter campus. I went one year and dropped. I got a job at a gift shop in a famous tourist town, working Sundays, of course. I continued to try to go to Sunday School and at least part of church in the Methodist church in this town. I soon dropped this attempt because it was difficult, and seemed futile and irrelevant.

Soon after that I moved out of my parents' home and into a trailer with a friend from high school and her sister. From this moment on, I had little or no thought of God. The girls I lived with were faithful Christians.

I quit the gift shop job and got a job closer to my new home. I now sold candy bars, cigarettes, and booze in a convenience store. I was not prepared by my family, church, youth group, or personal devotion to the true and living God for the lifestyle I now found myself exposed to.

I slept little, ate poorly, popped no-doz, and flirted with the guys who came in to buy their beer, cigarettes, and booze. That was what they thought I was there for, and it was easier than being myself. I even accepted a date. A guy named Roger took me to see a movie called "My Bodyguard." Then I took him to meet my family. We then went to his place, and when I refused to have sex with him, he took me home, completely rejected me, and I never, ever heard from him again.

My hope at the time was definitely built on much less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I could have learned about looking for integrity in potential mates, or recognizing character and speaking my mind with confidence, or not being found alone with a date... But instead I learned what it is that men want, and, why was it that I wasn't in the game, anyways? It is just too hard to play by different rules, unless you are aware that you are actually playing a different game.

So I switched games.

This is much too ugly for me to wrench out of my keyboard. I cannot find sufficient reason to go into details about this, but, since God has allowed it, I am willing to expose my past if it will help anyone.

Suffice it to say, for now, that I strayed further and further from God. I even denied him. At the same time, I sometimes marveled at the pleasures that He created, at His sense of humor (ie: red hair--try getting an evolutionist to explain that one!).

I did not have a rock to stand on. I dishonored my parents. I denied the existance of the God who created me, sustained my very breath, and died for the sins in which I wallowed. I completely humiliated myself for the fickle approval of men. I convinced myself that by doing so, I freed myself from guilt, shame, inhibitions, convention, and ties that bind.

As I look back, I see God's hand in the details. Because of my rebellion and reliance on myself, and not His strength, it was a long, ugly road, but He worked all things perfectly together.

After an ill-advised marriage and divorce, I found myself married again. This time, God graciously opened my womb and gave me a daughter. Then He gave me another. Then, by means not to be exposed here, He put an end to the blessing of children. But these children were a blessing beyond expression, and the blessing of them has not seen its end.

One day, while visiting my parents with my daughters, I was talking to my younger sister. I was surprized to find out that she went to church every Sunday. When I asked why, she said that she wanted her kids to grow up in church.

Yes, growing up in church is a good thing. I would take my kids to church. So after a sufficient period of procrastination, I began the difficult task of choosing a church. I went to the first one (a Methodist church) on Palm Sunday. My daughter wore her only dress, a beautiful white dress handed down from her cousin. One of the ladies cooed over it, and commented that she couldn't imagine what my daughter would wear on Easter Sunday. My heart froze. She never found out!

Next I went to an Evangelical Presbyterian Church that my husband's nephew had gotten married in. I sat down and checked out the pew Bible. NIV...hmm... Don't really recognize Zephaniah, but other than that, nothing suspicious. They had all the stuff that I wanted for my kids, and coffee hour between Sunday School and church. There was a lady who found my kids every Sunday and gave them a piece of sugarless gum. She also came along beside me and helped me learn stuff. She held Bible studies, and she just knew a bunch!

One Sunday, while the preacher was preparing for communion, the words he spoke about the purpose of the table and the warnings about eating the bread and drinking the wine unworthily, were used by the Holy Spirit to convict me. I was unworthy. I was the reason that blood was spilt. I had despised the perfect sacrifice of God, and He loved me. I was undone.

When I got home that day, Glen asked me what happened. He somehow could tell that something was different. He realized more than I did at the time the distance between light and dark. He was afraid that our life together was over. In fact it was. The woman he married was gone, and a new creature had taken her place. From that moment on, God's hand was upon Glen's life, and nine years later, God called him as well.

Basking in the Goodness of God

God just amazes me, His goodness, His wisdom.

He is able to do more than we can ask or imagine.

The Princess and The Yogre

AKA: A Really Happy Ending

Once upon a time, there was a princess. She was full of beauty and wisdom. She was friendly and everyone in the kingdom loved her. She was generous and hospitable, and her home was always bussling with guests. She was wise, and many sought her wisdom and confidence.

Then one day, a yogre moved into the kingdom. Like many yogres, when this yogre smiled, it often looked like she sneered, grimmaced, or growled. Because she was a yogre, like her mother and grandmother before her, her countanace was stern. When she laughed, a great "Gur-hoof, gur-hoof, snorrt" could be heard from a great distance, and many in the kingdom slipped silently away upon hearing it.

A yogre knows that she is a yogre, and will generally speak and laugh only with those who do not flee, and let the others go, not wishing to distress them further.

When she spoke, she usually got her words all mixed up, and sometimes made no sense at all. She came from a kingdom much different from this one, and often her speech and manners were misunderstood. She loved this kingdom, though, and so she continued on in it. In it was the air she breathed.

She loved the princess too. From time to time, she would muster up her courage and seek the pricess's wisdom regarding customs of the kingdom. When she did this, she tried really hard to choose her words carefully and not to laugh much so as not to frighten the princess away.

The princess was kind, as well as wise and beautiful, and always stayed long enough to answer the yogre's question. The yogre thought the princess was also brave, for she thought she saw a look of trepidation in the princess's eye whenever they spoke.

Then one day, the yogre, afraid of frightening one of the peasants away, chose herwords frantically rather than carefully, saying in haste, "I love you, don't flee!"

"GARR-UF!" the peasant heard the yogre say, and fled to the princess to confide in her how the yogre had frightened her.

The princess said nothing of this to the yogre.

Then one day, the yogre was walking on a kingdom path, enjoying the life her King had granted her, when she saw one of her peasant friends walking across a bridge. The yogre had seen many of the kingdom peasants walking on this very bridge, although not all of them took that path. The yogre smiled and waved a greeting at her peasant friend, who saw her sneer and heard her say, "Wheeeefle!" She quickly turned away. She did not flee, but stayed on the bridge. From then on, though, that skittish look came upon her whenever the yogre came near.

The yogre loved her friend, and began to worry that she was living on the bridge, instead of traversing on it. The bridge was sturdy, but was not for residing on. So, choosing her words ever so carefully, she began to talk to her friend about the bridge.

"Grr-gar-hooph! Warr!" the friend heard her say, and scurried away to the princess to confide in her how the yogre had frightened her.

The princess said nothing of this to the yogre.

Then one day, they came to gates of the City of which the kingdom was only a reflection. They went in, and they knew, even as they were known. Their King wiped away their tears, and they loved one another perfectly.

I Hear Voices

I hear voices.

Usually it is my own, and that one drones on in my head endlessly.

Tonight, while I was coming home from Bible study, the radio was on, and they were talking about the weather while I thought of something else. Suddenly, from behind me, I heard, "MAMMA ..." My entire skin contracted from the top of my head on down, and I nearly got in an accident trying to figure out what child was speaking so loudly from behind the seat of the pick up truck. Then I realized that it was a commercial aimed at mothers who felt like they were being pulled in all directions, and needed a quick and easy time with the Lord. Upon realizing that, my skin (all of it) having begun to relax, contracted again. I couldn't believe the effect this had on me. It seriously hurt! I was suddenly physically and emotionally exhausted.

Twice, though I have "heard" answers to deep questions. One was about two years ago, I was trying to figure out what to do. I was racking my brain, and, in prayer, asked God who I could talk to about this. "Glen." "My husband?" I responded, "no, no. I know what he will say." "Glen." So I talked to Glen about my (our) delemma. He gave wise counsel; totally blew my mind.

Today, I was thinking about a problem, and wishing that I had Glen on my side about this, just in this one matter. Why doesn't he see things my way? I pray for God's wisdom for him. I honor him. I submit to him. "But do you love it?" "Love what? You told me to submit to him. I pray for your wisdom for him, and I submit to him." "But do you love it?" "No, I pray for your wisdom for him, submitting to him while I wait for you to change his mind." "Love it. Rejoice in it."

God has given me a husband to lead me. He has given me protection, and my children a father to lead them and love them and protect them. I mindlessly ask God to give me joy in submission and then pray for wisdom for my husband while in my heart meaning, "Make him think like me. (just in this one matter)" This is despising the gift that God has given me. It is puffing myself up as the wisdom of God.

God has given me good. I need to love it, and rejoice in it. My deceiptful heart wants to add, "even if I disagree with it," but that is where I was. That is what I repent of. That is what I want to turn away from. That is what creates bitterness.

I need to see with eyes of faith that God has Glen's heart in His hand, and His ways are much higher than my ways, and His thoughts than my thoughts.

Tuesday, Fish Dinner!

Today, Tuesday, I was not fish-bait, but a side dish in a wonderfull Fish Dinner with a dear sister.

Soft spoken and tender-hearted, and 17 weeks pregnant, Van arranged to meet me at Planned Parenthood. She is the strong one; she is the brave one.

God is good, and it rained, a steady drizzle. Not enough to get really soaked, but enough to show God's glory.

It is the same sidewalk and parking lot as on Thursdays, but not. The parking lot at 10 or so was sparsely used. A woman pulled in and parked and got out. The words stuck in the back of my throat and she walked to the building. So far I have only uttered a friendly "Good Morning" or two. She returned immediately to her car. We asked if they were closed. She said that they open at 10:30.

While we waited we talked, getting to know each other better, and sharing the courage that we gave each other. Three young-looking black people got out of a car, two girls and a boy, but would not respond to our greeting. We moved around to look at the smoking area, where on fine days, those who are waiting for their appointment will sit and smoke, or eat and apple, or read a novel. It is like a place appointed by God to sow seed, or draw them or call them or snatch them from the flames. When it rains, though no one sits on a stone bench and smokes.

We found that when we stood in the alley, they could turn away from us to walk to the door, and thereby ignore us easily. When we stood on the sidewalk, near the privacy fence, we could greet them as they approached the door, and they could see, from their natural periferal vision, that we appeared to be friendly and harmless. To respond to us, in this position, they had to go out of their way. They had to turn, in the rain and come to us, instead of to the door of Planned Parenthood.

I was amazed to see the glory of God in the rain. I was amazed to see a young woman, walk past the entrance and approach us when we called to her. Her claim to not be pregnant and not here for an abortion was her acknowledgement that she knew what we were about. It was her "Peace, peace." We learned from her.

I was amazed to see a young man whom we saw go in alone, turn away from his car, which now was only three feet from him, to approach us and accept an information sheet. He did not offer an explanation about his presense there, and we did not ask. We learned from him.

I was amazed each time someone, in the rain, went out of their way to come to us.

I was amazed when Van called me later, for she stayed when I had to get back to work, and told me that a young woman, with an umbrella and a satchel, whom I had seen go in, but missed the opportunity to speak to her; came out and talked with Van. She listened as Van told her that she herself is 17weeks pregnant. She even waited (if I understood her correctly) while Van called Car, and asked where the Crisis Pregnancy Center is.

God is amazing, and I extol His wondrous works.

I was going to include a neat document that David (Mr. T) in our church created to hand out on campus, but I couldn't get it to stick. I made copies and we handed them out today. It was a very good thing to have, I think. It was something for them to look at while we fumbled for something to say. They were read intently on occasion.

I am greatly encouraged.

My name is So, and I'm a Sower, and I work at a Button Factory...

AKA: Just Tell Me

There once was a button-maker, who made fine buttons. One day she was asked to make zippers. She was one who would help where she could, a lovely woman, so she aggreed. She was given the fabric necessary to make the zippers, and the little metal pieces to make the teeth, and was told to have five of them done in a week. Although she had made a zipper or two on occasion, it was not her specialty, and these ones seemed very complicated, but she was determined to her best, so she worked and worked. She was not going to finish the five zippers in time, so she accepted help from a zipper-maker friend who zipped through the remaining two in no time. When the button-maker gave the zipper-maker her zippers, they were found to be incorrectly constructed, and the zipper-maker had to take them apart and remake them. She refused, however, to tell the button-maker of the error. She thought it would hurt her feelings.

Shake your little fist you little man.

I am on AOL. When I sign on, I have this welcome screen that gives me headlines. That's how I keep abreast of what my culture is up to. AOL gives headines... one day the headliner assured us not to worry if you are not a
perfect parent. Your binging and lying and cheating will not have an
adverse effect on your kids; let them see it; let it all hang out,
baby. It is who you are. (I wish I had the article to reference,
because I'm sure you're saying that I must be mistaken.)

It occurred to me that in the '70s, the trend was moving toward blaming
your parents for all your character flaws. Anything from shyness to
aggressiveness; from anorexia to obesity; from murder to suicide could
be pinned on your parents. They overly protected you or they neglected
you or never left you alone made you go on family vacations, or made you wear hand-me-downs, or they abused you or never disciplined you, or made you clean up your plate. So you can't seem to love another person, or you can't stop using
people, or you can't control your spending or eating or lying or sex
drive.

Then in the late '90s it came to be "understood" that most if not all
character deficits were biological or chemical in nature. So things
like alcoholism, rage, all-consuming drive, are chemical imbalances. Also other things fell into this category where a person is deemed inculpable because of a chemical that is present or absent in the brain.

In the single digits of this century, the natural flow of this
reasoning shifted the "deficits" to "diversities". The idea is almost
that there is nothing that is wrong, but if there were something that
was wrong, it could not be your fault, because it is your make-up...the
way you were made. Homosexuality is the primary poster child of this
reasoning. It is clear that it is the way you are made.

The way you were made? By your parents? no, it is not their fault,
because if it were, then you would be responsible for the way your kids
turn out. (this is really funny...)

The way your were made? By whom? By God. It's not your fault, it's
His. (shake your little fist you little man.)

Isaiah 29:16
You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "He did not make me"? Can the pot say of the potter, "He knows nothing"?

Isaiah 45:9
"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'?

Romans 9:19-21
19 One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" 20 But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

Psalm 2
1 Why do the nations conspire [a]
and the peoples plot in vain?

2 The kings of the earth take their stand
and the rulers gather together
against the LORD
and against his Anointed One. [b]

3 "Let us break their chains," they say,
"and throw off their fetters."

4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
the Lord scoffs at them.

5 Then he rebukes them in his anger
and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,

6 "I have installed my King [c]
on Zion, my holy hill."

7 I will proclaim the decree of the LORD :
He said to me, "You are my Son [d] ;
today I have become your Father. [e]

8 Ask of me,
and I will make the nations your inheritance,
the ends of the earth your possession.

9 You will rule them with an iron scepter [f] ;
you will dash them to pieces like pottery."

10 Therefore, you kings, be wise;
be warned, you rulers of the earth.

11 Serve the LORD with fear
and rejoice with trembling.

12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry
and you be destroyed in your way,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

INTREPID

Intrepid...another cool word.

in trep id  –adjective resolutely fearless; dauntless: an intrepid explorer.

[Origin: 1690–1700; < L intrepidus, equiv. to in- in-3 + trepidus anxious; see trepidation]

—Related forms
intrepidity, intrepidness, noun
intrepidly, adverb

—Synonyms brave, courageous, bold.
—Antonyms timid.

adj.
Resolutely courageous; fearless.

[Latin intrepidus : in-, not; see in-1 + trepidus, alarmed.]

intre·pidi·ty (-tr-pd-t) or in·trepid·ness n.
in·trepid·ly adv.

intrepid
adj : invulnerable to fear or intimidation; "audacious explorers"; "fearless reporters and photographers"; "intrepid pioneers" [syn: audacious, brave, dauntless, fearless, unfearing]

—Synonyms brave, courageous, bold.
—Antonyms timid.

Isaiah 28:16
So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed.

Isaiah 41:9-11
9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

11 "All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.

Jeremiah 8:9
9 The wise will be put to shame;
they will be dismayed and trapped.
Since they have rejected the word of the LORD,
what kind of wisdom do they have?

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Three Point Underdogs

The Marching Mustangs were three points short of going to State Competition this year.

Seemed like this year three points dogged us. Three points lost on a technicality... Three points behind Such-a-burg... Three tenths ahead of So-and-so-ville.


But we could dwell on the negative, or we could just take a deep breath and say that this was an exciting Marching band season, and that the kids went through a batch of growing over the last several months.








This year the upper classmen stepped up in a way that is unprecidented in the last 5 years of Edgewood Band. This year Seniors and Juniors were expected to, and did take responsibility that was previously discouraged for them. They failed at times, but they made the attempt.

This year's Edgewood marching Mustangs had spirit and intensity right up to the very end of their season. They worked harder than they have in a while and loved band better than they have in a while.







Low Brass friends...


sharing spit and sweat and poney tails...





More Later...

So, why don't we do this?

I Corinthians 11

Each time I come to this passage of Scripture, I wonder, "Why don't we do this?" I remember quite a few years ago, I listened to a John MacArthur sermon where he talked about the culture of the time, and I emailed "Grace to You" and asked how we can tell when a passage of Scripture is to be interpreted through the lense of culture and when it should be taken straight up. I explained that I was trying to live a life of faith and integrity before an unbelieving husband and two young daughters whose eyes were wide open. I got a very nice, vague email back; and the next time I came to this passage, I wondered, "Why don't we do this?"

When I started this blog, on the premise that I would ask the questions and that Godly, and wise brothers and sisters would answer them, one of the first questions I asked was, "Why don't we do that?"

In the meantime, those two little girls grew up, and the husband was drawn by the Holy Spirit to the Throne of Grace; to the Cross, where his sins were forgiven and he became a new creation in Christ. (Halelujah!)

Recently, with one of my daughters, whose eyes were and still are wide open, I had a talk about why Christians do some things that are in the Bible, and disregard others. Guess which passage was brought up. Yes, I Corinthians 11.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband asked me to open the Bible and read to him a passage that he would tell me. I did, and he had me read to him I Corinthians 11:1-16. He didn't ask me, "Why don't we do that?" Instead, he asked, "Rachel, why don't you do that?"


Whoa! Well, that's getting personal! I don't do it, because we don't do it. That is the long and short of it.

Well, that was a turning point for me. Glen clarified the issue, that I need to obey God, and follow where He leads me.

It acually was more of a halting point, where I sat and thought, and talked to other people and read USA Today articles and Googled and prayed.

Then I came to the point where I had it settled in my mind, but I had to work out some practical issues. I asked the cousel of a wonderful woman in my church. She is elegant and eloquent, and her cousel is well thought out. I was concerned about not making this a fashion statement, and having nothing on hand to start with, I wondered about whether to make it pretty or plain, about matching outfits and so on. She remembered that she had been in the habit of wearing scarves when she was involved in the opera, so when her heart was convicted of this, she just started using those, because she had them on hand. I don't sing opera because, well, I can't; I don't wear scarves because I am not very elegant; I don't wear hats because when I wear a hat of any kind, I look like my brother; I sometimes will wrap a towel around my hair when I get out of the shower, but I don't think that would be appropriate.

So, I checked out my stash of remnants and messed around with shapes and sizes. I bought more remnants, and covered and tied and looked in the mirror and sighed. A beautiful young woman who recently got married in our church sometimes wraps her hair up in pretty cloths. She looks wonderful. Nothing I put on my head looked wonderful. I did this for two weeks.


While praying one night, the thought came to me that if I waited to obey this strong biblical admonition until it looked cool, I would never do it. If I waited until I wasn't afraid, I would never do it. If I waited until I even completely understood God's mind on this, I would never, ever do it; and then in another six months, or maybe a year, I would come across this passage again, and wonder, "Why don't we do that?"

I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the teachings, just as I passed them on to you.
Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved. If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 8For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.

In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering. If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice—nor do the churches of God.

I Corinthians 2-16

There is Hope

I was wrong. There is hope, and it is amazing. This is one of those times when God actually reached into my heart and gave me His peace, which passes all understanding. He washed me with His Word, and gave me a hug from the inside out.

I have to admit that last Wednesday night in Women's Bible I got very discouraged. A man's third greatest need is an attractive wife?! His first greatest need is sexual fulfillment. It was articulated that a man is always a glance or a click away from other, adulterous images. His wife is the only safe, fidelitous image that he can have in his mind, so make it good, sister.

I know that I could spruce it up a bit, but come on!

As much as we think something sounds like it makes sense, or fits our experience, we need to look at it through the lense of Scripture.


On one level, I want to get indignant and say that the man has some responsibility to maintain his own vessel. I know though that that is beside the point and we are not looking at him, but at me. Besides, that argument sounds much better coming from a vibrant, voluptuos vixon. From Mrs. Frumpy, it loses impact.

More than anything, this thought occupied my mind: "I couldn't compete with those images and young beauties when I was 26. These 20 years has not given me the edge." Am I to perm and dye my hair and put on fine clothes? I also was painfully aware of my lack of fashion sense. I'm not elegant. WOE; how I have cheated my husband of an attractive wife!

You can see the despondency into which I slipped.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow. Praise Him for He alone knows my heart. Praise Him for His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His greatness is unsearchable. There is nowhere that I can go, but He is there!

On my way home from work, I sobbed, "How can this be... (and He began to answer me out of the the whirlwind, and through His precious Word) ...that as a woman gets older, and fatter and wrinklier and stiffer, how can it be that her husband will rejoice in the wife of his youth...that her breasts will always satisfy him and he will be captivated by her love. (from Pr.5)

And God said, because I said so. And He called to my mind Sarah, whose child I long to be. Abraham was afraid for his life because of her beauty, but it was the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. He talked to me about how He has the hearts of men and kings in His hand. He brought many scriptures to my mind and washed me, and I rejoiced.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Eph 3:16-21)

Marching Mustangs in Regional Competition

I am so caught up in this. I might consider this trip to Jeffersonville High School as just another competition, but it is not. It is the end of an exciting season, or the climax of it.

When I get back, I will post the results and, hopefully, pictures (in color).

I will also write about some things that I need to write about:

There is Hope (thank you Erica)
Children
Response from Bloomington City Councilman
A Good Wife

See you on the other side of ISSMA Regional Competition!

Throwin it Down!

Here is my daughter Lydia and her peeps. It's in black and white because Mom doesn't know how to use Lydia's camera. (...or because it's twice as cool in black and white!) This was at Ben Davis last week. It was the first time this year I saw the show from the stands while they were wearing uniforms. Kinda cool. I will put in more pics later (I hope).

No Hope!

...and it just keeps getting worse!

Men's top five needs:

1. Sexual fulfillment.

2. Recreational companionship.

3. An attractive wife.

4. Peace & quiet

5. Admiration.

I just can't win.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

Second verse, same as the first...

Some time ago, I bought some ziplock sandwich bags, only to find out that they were snack size. I wondered at the store why there were more of them in the box than the others for the same price. When I got home and opened the box, the reason was suddenly clear.

I started using them to make up individually portioned snacks and dessert treats to keep our portions in perportion. It was working quite well, but I had bought a certain type of cookie that didn't go over very well. The last of the pretzells were gone, and I had no more of the snack bags. I thought that all the snacks were gone, until I bought some more cookies and pretzels and bags and went to package them up. When I got the designated shoe box down from the refrigerator, I found, to my dimay, a snack baggie with two of the nasty-cookies in it. There was a bite-shaped portion missing from it, and the bag was torn suspiciously.

For just a moment, becuase of the shape of the bite, I wondered who would have taken a bite out of that cookie (which was nasty-old) and then ripped the bag open from the bottom to put it back...odd.

Sometimes you have an epiphany; they usually make my scalp hurt. Suddenly I saw that the way the bag was torn, making a small hole through which, not a big bite, but rather small nibbles were taken in an ark to form the shape of a bite. A-a--ahhh! It must be a mouse.

I showed Lydia, who smiled and rolled her eyes. I left a note with the cookie for Glen, wanting him to experience the same epiphanal sensation, I just hinted, "Who would have taken a bite like this?" His response was, "There's no mouse poop."

Well, there's just one way to find out, then. Watch the milk, because when you give a mouse a cookie...

BTW: The rest of the cookies went into the refrigerator. Holly spotted the mouse on top of the cupboard last night while burning the midnight oil. It was fast as lightning, and, she reluctantly admitted, cute.

Tuesdays; Fish Bait

You might remember that I said that I would go to Planned Parenthood on Tuesdays ...

What's the deal about Tuesdays? My understanding is that on Tuesdays, Planned Parenthood does their preliminary evaluations. Does this mean pregnancy tests? Does this mean pre-abortion counseling? I don't know. I do know that they are quite busy on Tuesdays, and there are no guards, no escorts, and no protesters. Planned Parenthood gets the floor, and there is no rebuttal.

People are faced with their sin and Planned Parenthood whispers in their ears, "Peace, peace." No one plants seed on this furrowed ground. No one proclaims the truth of God when hearts are tender. We wait until Thursday, when the ground has hardened.

Well, every thime I have been there on Tuesday, there has been an opportunity to speak to someone; without exception. Last Tuesday I didn't go. I decided that if I wasn't going to get out of the car and speak when an opportunity was presented, then I wasn't going to go, because that would be blatent disobedience. Why go, after all if I am unwilling to do what I am called there to do?

Have I forgotten?

All that God has taught me at Planned Parenthood?

...and more?

Unwilling... Disobedient... Afraid of man rather than God... Fish bait.

If God has called me there, then I go. I have nothing to say, and that's the good news. God, forgive me for those for whom you had a message, and I did not deliver it.

Where is it that we are told that we are equipped for every good work?

Where is it that we are told that in our weakness, His strength is made perfect?

Pray, dear one, pray for those who need to hear from God, that the beautiful feet will stand firm; that the seed will be bountifully sown on the furtile soil as it is tilled on Tuesdays.

Blog-it-all, anyways!

I thought about making another blog just so that I could do the personal day-to-day stuff so that if someone knew me, but didn't want to hear about my God, they could go there. (I had in mind certain family members, friends, etc.) I could write about sewing flags for the band, or what happened at competitions. I could write about shopping and what a heck of a day I had at work today, and trying to budget and stuff.

And if someone wanted to read about my God, but didn't want to read about how I would respond to life at the BMV, they wouldn't have to. (really can't think of anyne who would only want to read about my theological wrestling matches.) I could write about submission issues and trusting God and struggling with the concept of covenent children.

I could even have a third blog about the really edgy subject of Planned Parenthood. There I could really be alone with my thoughts.

Then I thought that I am who I am, and I am not without Christ. The life I live I live in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

So, being the one track mind type of person that I am, I am sticking with one blog. This way, when I talk about my struggles with various sins, it is in the context of the things that God teaches me as a soldier in the struggle in this world with powers and principalities, as a mother, as a wife, and as a sister in Christ. In a separate blog, I thought, I might be tempted to make much of my kids, my writing, my hobbies, or (most likely) my love of grumbling against the shortcomings of others.

I couldn't do it (two blogs are too much for me to keep up with) and I couldn't recommend it to myself (two blogs are too much temptation to hide my gods from each other in separate boxes).

I want my whole self to be exposed in one place so that I don't come to think of myself as all right, too right. If only people with this or that interest go to blog A they may not see that what is there is sin, because the root is exposed only in blog B.

Psalm 141:5 for me:

5 Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head.
My head will not refuse it.
Yet my prayer is ever against the deeds of evildoers;

6 their rulers will be thrown down from the cliffs,
and the wicked will learn that my words were well spoken.